The first skirmish

Hurray, it's story time with Evan again! So as I am sitting here on my couch, another freaking wolf spider (for simplicities sake we will call him Ralph) comes crawling along over the back rest, you know, minding his own business. Of course, being a man, I do not jump up and scream, because that would bring shame to my dojo.

Anyways, after not jumping up and not screaming, I notice that Ralph has disappeared back into the depths from whence he came. Now let's be real, with a beard like the one that constantly graces my chiseled jaw, it is basically impossible for me to feel fear, or even mild paranoia. So when a light breeze caresses my arm, I do not jump and flail around, thinking that Ralph has returned. Nor do I curse and hit my own arm when I get a mild itch that anybody would have mistaken for the bite of a Ninja Spider returning for vengeance after having been startled by sudden high-pitched noises in it's vicinity. No, I just lay here, as cool and collected as any man has ever been. You should all be proud.

(P.S. I am going to need backup ASAP, preferably with a flamethrower.)